Finding Friends: Navigating Loneliness and Social Connections in 2025

Ever felt the sting of loneliness despite being surrounded by people? Join us as we unpack this universal experience and explore how to form meaningful connections in 2025. Inspired by our friend Julie's query about making friends as adults, we're on a mission to help everyone, including ourselves, forge at least one solid new friendship by year's end. We'll chat about the evolving landscape and dive deeply into the often-unspoken challenge of finding and maintaining friendships as life's circumstances change. 

Ever wondered why loneliness weighs so heavily on us? We shed light on this profound topic, drawing inspiration from thought leaders like Simon Sinek and Trevor Noah. Our discussion reveals intriguing insights into the relational strengths of women and the societal pressures they face. As we navigate the impact of remote work and empty nests on social lives, we highlight startling statistics that equate loneliness to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Listen in as we categorize loneliness and emphasize the necessity of a close personal connection, regardless of marital status. 

Imagine stepping into a room, assuming everyone will like you. Sounds daunting, right? Kitty recounts her transformative experience of overcoming self-consciousness during a work trip, which lead to unexpected friendships. Together, we explore strategies to overcome internal doubts and actively seek new social opportunities. Despite modern challenges, finding a community or group to belong to remains crucial. We reflect on how previous generations also faced loneliness, even amid seemingly abundant social groups. As we wrap up, we celebrate the thrill of new beginnings and the joy of sharing life's journey with friends by our side.

Make sure to subscribe to our channel, comment, like, and share!

Amy, Kitty & Stacey

P.S. Isn't our intro music great?! Yah, we think so too. Thank you, Ivy States for "I Got That Wow".

Chapters

• 0:03 Making Friends in 2025
• 5:22 The Impact of Loneliness and Friendship
• 17:36 Building New Friendships at Any Age
• 32:04 Saying Goodbye and Looking Forward

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

All right, look I got that. Wow, who wants some handsome right now? We got that. Turn it up loud. I know you're wondering how.

Speaker 2: 0:15

I got that. Wow, here I go. Here I go, coming. I can't ever stop. I'm a tour de force running. Get me to the top, I don't need a.

Speaker 4: 0:28

Hello, my friends, friends, good evening. Here we are, welcome to Three Cocktails In With Amy, stacey and Kitty, where we hope to start an addicting conversation. Truly, that is going to take us throughout 2025. So, on that note, how are you, darlings, doing Pretty?

Speaker 3: 0:50

good.

Speaker 5: 0:51

Doing great, very productive day today. Yes, you're in blue.

Speaker 4: 0:58

I am in blue, you don't. Is blue the color of 2025? Pink has been 2024.

Speaker 5: 1:04

Are you going to branch out? Maybe? I have really been seeking out more color in my wardrobe, so it used to just be all black. Then I brought in pink. Now I'm trying to do a little bit more. Yeah, I know, isn't this color fabulous? I bought this at Kohl's. You guys, I I do a lot of shopping at.

Speaker 4: 1:36

Kohl's They've got. You should be looking for sponsorship. Quite frankly, you love a good.

Speaker 5: 1:42

Kohl's. Quite frankly, you love a good kohl's I do. And let's talk about sponsorship. Um, so these are my new peepers and I know the ring light's gonna mess are gonna mess with me here a little bit, but I have probably six pair of peepers and so I'm always wearing them on my jewelry shows and I get so many comments on my show like if I, if I had you have a new one.

Speaker 3: 2:06

Yeah, when you put a new one on, everybody goes crazy.

Speaker 5: 2:09

Yeah, everybody goes crazy.

Speaker 4: 2:11

I'm like you need an affiliate link.

Speaker 3: 2:14

Yeah, I know For sure.

Speaker 4: 2:16

Yeah, yes, Stacey's staying true with her red. Yep, Lots of red. I have introduced in the last year wheat and camel colors to my wardrobe.

Speaker 3: 2:32

Yeah Cool.

Speaker 4: 2:33

Good, great, yeah. So you mentioned seeking. You've been seeking out new colors. I'm wondering if maybe seeking, searching, might be a good word for us in 2025. It certainly ties in to what we want to talk about tonight.

Speaker 4: 2:53

So, as if you remember, earlier in December, maybe November, we put out, as we always do, you know, hey, anybody got anything they want to want to ask us about. You know, what would you like to hear about? And, um, our friend julie says, hey, where do we meet people this age? Where do we go? What do we do? Um, if you would have been listening to any one of the podcasts where I talk about my match life, uh, where do you meet men or you know, just whatever? So we kind of got to talking about how do you meet friends at this later stage in life? Yeah, yeah, lo and behold, we're not the only ones. It's a real thing. And so, for once, on this podcast, we're going to take a researched, thoughtful approach to this topic. Researched, researched. If it's on the interwebs, it's true, yes, um, and, and we're gonna see if we can't maybe figure out, maybe by the end of 2025, if we all couldn't add one solid friend.

Speaker 5: 4:11

New friend, yep, a new friend? Yeah, and it's interesting too as we've just kind of talked a little bit about the topic and talked about it outside of this how many people say the same thing and you just said it, amy, it's not just us, it's not just Julie coming forward and saying, hey, I'm having a hard time meeting new people. This is a resounding situation for, I would say, the majority of people.

Speaker 4: 4:43

Yeah, men and women, not just women. I'm almost curious, and I have listened to a couple different sources talk about men and their. You know, this loneliness epidemic, sort of that's out there. I wonder if men maybe have a harder time than women do with this. Uh, let's see if we can't, you know, figure things out for people in general yeah, yeah I listened to um simon cynic and trevor noah sat down love

Speaker 3: 5:17

them right? I do too. Sat down and they talked and their thing was on you. You know it's Simon, sinek and Trevor Noah on friendship, loneliness and vulnerability, and Simon, from a more you know stat. What do I want to say? You know, a stat said, yeah, women are actually better at it, if you can believe it, men not so much. He even said women make better CEOs than men and for that reason is because they're they are more in tune with the relationship in general, which is what you need.

Speaker 5: 5:55

So he, he, he said that women are better at what.

Speaker 3: 6:01

Relationships, positions, positions making friends. Friends, you know, understanding the, you know just relationships in general.

Speaker 4: 6:10

Yeah, where and he did say they make better ceos. He came out make better ceos they do make better ceos they do.

Speaker 3: 6:18

That's what, that's what he claims. And he gave an example, something to the effect that you know when, when he goes out and speaks, you know women will identify, oh, with everything he's saying. And yes, and I've noticed that, or I understand that. And men will want case studies Like tell me, show me the proof that that you know, show me the proof how this works, kind of thing. That's the men's mentality of it. So I thought that was interesting kind of thing. That's the men's mentality of it. So I thought that was interesting. You know two guys sitting there talking about, you know, friendship and loneliness. It was interesting.

Speaker 5: 6:59

I would think that I don't know if you guys came across any any of this in the research that you did, but I would. I'm going to make an assumption here. I would assume that it's harder for men to admit loneliness, probably, whereas we I mean it's I'm sure that there are women too who don't want to admit it it can feel like you could becoming you know, nobody wants to be undesirable Like if you're lonely because you're feeling that you don't have the friendships in your life, it's not because you're not a likable person, and I think that's a lot of times how it can feel. That's what we do to ourselves, but I think women in general have got to be better at admitting yeah, I'm missing something here, but it's harder for men to do that.

Speaker 4: 7:50

Well, some of the talking points with that are when you couple up, most of the time the women are in charge of the planning, you know, although I would also often say that you end up doing things with your husband's friends, but I think it's still up to the women to plan.

Speaker 4: 8:21

So when life, when, you're older, or maybe you're not coupled up or your group has now gotten coupled up and you are not coupled up and you are a man yeah, you haven't had to do that before. So, um, I, there's just so much to talk about with this. But when you said that you feel like a loser or that something is missing in one of the podcasts that I was listening to by a psychologist, and her whole focus is on relationships, she made the point to say that you need to figure out what kind of connections are missing, what kind of connections. So many of us have the all or nothing type of mentality and really, for those people out there and I'm betting that some of our listeners feel very good about their friendship group you know, pretty solid, they're busy, but there can be times when there's that thing that you like to do and nobody wants to go do it with you, or you are now working remotely, you're no longer in an office, your kids are now gone, the sporting events are gone, you don't have things to do on Friday nights with that group anymore.

Speaker 4: 9:45

So we can think about friendship not as an. I need a new best friend. That will be the end all. But I have specific connections that I'm missing and I think, especially as we talked about our new year's resolutions and how the big ones just never work because they're too big. I think, if we can look at friendship as connections that are missing in our lives, we could maybe break this down and try and figure out how each of us can find those new connections, cause I think that comes back to what a lot of the stats that we've come across. Stacey, you found a couple of good ones.

Speaker 3: 10:34

Yeah, 22% of people claim they're lonely, which is super high. It's higher than a lot of diseases like diabetes, for instance, or I don't know what else they listed. But that's very high and that goes to your mental health. You know. If you're, you know, super lonely, that leads to, say, depression, anxiety, lots of other things. You know health wise too. So you know it's certainly an important, obviously, mental health piece to solve.

Speaker 4: 11:11

Yeah, um, one of the stats I read broke it down. I kind of was looking for people who are like 50 and older. You know, certainly what we talk about is not only for people who are 50 and older. It just happens we're going to just reverse how normal media talks about the younger people all the time. We're going to focus, you know, give a little time to the older portion. 37% in this study reported a lack of companionship. That's huge, yeah, and it is so hard. And, as the one researcher said, she's like you know, it does have. Your mental health, your social health, affects your physical health and research has shown that when you're suffering from your mental health, your social health, it is the equivalent on your body to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. The effects to your heart, to your your blood pressure, your anxiety, your mental health, those are all the same as lacking social connections.

Speaker 5: 12:18

That statistic was, was is a terrifying, shocking. It's shocking, it's, that's crazy. Yeah, so, on the on the topic of loneliness, there are three type, three types of loneliness intimate loneliness, and that is that closest person or people in your lives that you can it doesn't necessarily have to be a spouse, but it's likely a spouse but that's your closest connections that you can tell everything, to experience everything with so intimate loneliness. Relational loneliness, that's the friend group. And then there's collective loneliness, which is lack of identifying with a group.

Speaker 5: 13:16

That helped me to kind of break things down too, as we think about well, why do I feel lonely? What part of my life is lonely? I think it's important to have that designation of those three areas of your life.

Speaker 4: 13:36

I think that's you know, as you were talking about it, I was thinking of it in a hierarchy of importance, but maybe you weren't speaking about it that way. Totally understand the intimate. That's a little of what I'm searching for. I can fully admit that I feel really strong in some of my relationships. My friend, you know, you guys, you will. Right now you are my closest, most intimate friends. And poor Bill, I like to joke all the time. I've known Kitty longer, so I'm part of the tripod on that. One Um same with Stacy and Barney. Now you can let him know that too. I will tell him.

Speaker 3: 14:20

Yeah, I think he already has it figured out that I would choose both of you over him.

Speaker 4: 14:28

So maybe you are got to work on the relationships. Maybe, what I am missing is the community, and I think that that community portion can also be a little deceiving.

Speaker 3: 14:51

I think that there are people who are part of a larger community that feel lonely. Well, I heard something in another podcast that I was listening to that the busiest people busy can be very lonely because they're so busy with whatever they're doing. So it could be a very you know say you have a very busy, stressful work, you know people and you like people that you work with and you see people that you work with, but yet that's not the, you know, sometimes not the close relationship. You know what I mean. And then you think, like back when we had our kids and they were in a hundred million things, you knew a lot of people, you had a lot of community, but yet no one's super close necessarily. Some people are lucky and do and do have that, and that's the thing. There's so much time spent, you know, doing these other things that you're not also nurturing or finding a relationship within those things. Sometimes and I think that's where we've all probably gotten to is the community piece. Now, you know.

Speaker 4: 15:57

Do you want to hear something else? Another stat that I was just blown away by. Research shows adult friendships turn over about every seven years Would you have thought of that.

Speaker 3: 16:14

You're saying they only last in general, they'll fizzle out in seven years.

Speaker 4: 16:18

They might when think about it. Circumstances change, jobs change, location changes, but for some of us we have the friends that have been around forever. But now look at the friends you had at the various stages. It's not unrealistic to think that, and research has shown every seven years some friendships fall away, some stay, some new ones come around. So when we look at it that way, when we think about the three levels of friendship intimacy, loneliness it's not unusual and it shouldn't. No one should feel like they are the odd duck and it is only them. Clearly many, many, probably more people than you think are experiencing the same thing.

Speaker 3: 17:14

Yeah, yeah, I would say isn't, it is it's.

Speaker 5: 17:21

I just hope that people can feel a little bit more at ease knowing that this is felt by so many and, in fact, felt by the majority. I remember walking into so when I went on my last paparazzi trip. I went on that trip by myself, not knowing anybody, and I remember walking in to this room where there were you know, I don't know maybe 60 people and it sure as hell looked like they all knew each other because everybody was having fun and laughing. And you know, I'm like am I the only person that doesn't know anybody here? And I felt self-conscious and I actually said in my brain am I going to make any friends here? Will I be welcomed in? And it's just, it's a horrible feeling. And who knew that we would still have these same feelings and thoughts at mid-50s that we had when we walked out onto the playground when we were seven years old? Yes, never goes away.

Speaker 4: 18:36

Yeah, and yet how long did it take you to talk to somebody?

Speaker 5: 18:43

Instant.

Speaker 4: 18:46

So one person was discussing their ability and we're going to talk more about how do you go out and make new friends. But they were talking about how, when they're away on vacation, when they're away on work, they have the I'm open for business sign. You know, they do so many different things in those scenarios that they don't do at home because they fear and this is what she said what if I go to the bar and I'm having dinner by myself and somebody goes oh, where are you from? And you say two blocks over. And she assumed they were going to think oh well, what a loser.

Speaker 4: 19:30

She doesn't have any friends that she can go to the bar with, whereas when you're out working on a work trip, you know you don't have any friends around. You know that when somebody says where are you from, you say I'm from minneapolis and they're like well, no wonder. You know, this is the old internal monologue that we're having with ourself. That is always way worse than what the reality is. Yeah, am I going to make any friends? Kitty, you could not have walked into a better room. All 60 of you had something in common common, you know, you had your opening. You're very easy to at least have that icebreaker.

Speaker 4: 20:12

Yeah, but, you know, I'm in sales. I talk to everybody, yeah, I listened.

Speaker 3: 20:18

The one thing that I listened to the number one tip. And like our next episode, I think we'll talk a little more about a lot of things, but the number one tip. They said assume people will like you. So, like you, go and introduce yourself, assume they will like you. I mean, what's not to like, right? So, don't think, oh my gosh, they might not like me or whatever, whatever, and exactly that your internal monologue should be there. These people are going to like me, so you just go for it, yeah.

Speaker 4: 21:06

So okay. So, Kitty, you said when you were at the work trip that you were on you questioned. Will I make friends?

Speaker 3: 21:17

Stacey can you pinpoint a time when you looked around and went, would be really nice to have somebody here to talk to. Yeah, I think, um, I'm putting you on the spot. Yeah, I'm not coming up with a specific thing, but I think when we go on with this, you'll soon find the thing I'm looking for, and that's the collective or community thing. You know what I mean. I need to find something. Know what I mean. I need to find something, a group. I need to find a group, you know, because I have you two and I have my um high school friends and we have a you know set thing. We see each other once a month, that's that. And I have work friends. But that's the thing I'm looking for. Like Kitty has her paparazzi friends, I'm looking for the group to join. You know what I mean, as I was listening to this. That's the um they say is a problem.

Speaker 3: 22:19

You look at our, our mothers and our, our parents. They had a hundred groups. You know, like amy, I know yours I'm not so sure about yours, kitty what it would be, but they all went. They all had a church group. They had a golf club group. They had a poker group. They had bridge clubs. You, my mother still has a book club and three bridge clubs, and you know. So back then they all did that, and I also heard that it's because they felt they needed to belong to something and not, or people would look at them like, oh my gosh, those are the people. They don't do anything, they never go any, you know, and we're I don't know. I don't want to say better than them, but I'm sure that's a was a piece of it.

Speaker 3: 23:04

They wanted to do this a little bit at that at those times you know 60s, 70s, 80s, whatever so, but that's died off you know you'll also we talked about so much of that.

Speaker 4: 23:18

Yes, proximity so, stacy and I, our families and Kitty, you were in a larger community but you lived and worked and shopped and socialized in the same town. Yeah, when you live in a metro area, you can work in one city, go to church in another city, shop in another city, play tennis in another city, have your high school friends, you know, all over the place. You have to make the effort, you have to start, you have to come up with a plan. I love a good plan, but you have to. You have to come up with a plan. I love a good plan, but you have to, you have to it. It's uh again. I'm sure that our parents were lonely as well at times, and perhaps they were lonely within their community, feeling that they had to go do these things because, it was expected, whether or not they really wanted to, or whether or not they really felt good about the groups that are there.

Speaker 4: 24:20

I don't think what we're talking about loneliness itself and wanting to make friends is nothing new, right? Right, do you think that we're finally talking about it? And, like a lot of things that we talk about on the show, we're standing up and saying we want more, we want more, we want better, we want different. We're not done. I'm excited to meet some new people, to do some different things that I, for whatever reason, this part is missing in my life. I think this is going to be a really good thing that we can do together.

Speaker 5: 25:00

Yeah, I do too. It's a great idea. And I think it's worth noting too that maybe you don't feel lonely. You still might want this will still be valuable to you because there's still value in relation, relational friendships, that relational aspect, the collective aspect as well, because when we meet new people and experience different things, we learn things. Yes, so even if you don't feel lonely, it's still kind of nice to meet new people and say you know, after an interaction with them, you're like that was really interesting, I want to spend more time with that person.

Speaker 4: 25:48

Yeah, totally and and, to that end, if you are really good with your group, have grace for people around you that might be looking. You're not asking somebody to go on your girls weekend with the five of you. We don't have to go from zero to 100. Right, did I already say the two scary stats about making new friends? No no, okay To go from an unknown person to a real, solid acquaintance. You know, friend, friend, 50 hours. Five zero hours, 50 hours five zero hours.

Speaker 4: 26:47

To go to someone you do not know and they become a best friend. 200 hours Research has shown that that's how long it takes. So this is not anything that're going to jump into that best friend in two weeks.

Speaker 3: 27:09

But also it's time to start. Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 4: 27:17

I really like that stat, especially as it related to me dating somebody. There's a lot of pressure to know right away Is this going to work, isn't it going to work, and that to me feels very weird. How do you know, after talking to somebody or going out on three dates with somebody, that this is it? It doesn't seem like you can know somebody enough to make that sort of decision, and I was really happy when I found that, because I think that that is. I love a good, science-based information. It helps set appropriate expectations. Yeah, and as my dear friend says, you need to get out of your own head. Stop thinking about some of these.

Speaker 4: 28:02

It seems like when I said that didn't you give me double, I did. I did Because there was a little bit more to that conversation. That's how we friend. That's how we friend. Maybe that is also something. If that's not for you, eavesdrop we can talk about that next week. We can add eavesdropping into the whole conversation. But so I think we've got a good task at hand. I think that everybody could use, whether you're looking for a best friend, whether you're looking to add somebody, whether you want to go to a poetry slam and you don't know anybody. Let's help figure out how you can find somebody to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that that should be our goal. So I think we're going to talk about next, next episode, yeah.

Speaker 3: 28:56

Ideas.

Speaker 4: 28:56

We're going to talk about and maybe plot out, start with baby steps. You know, these are some things. These are good first steps and then maybe in another month we'll we'll come back and say how did it go? Are you ready for step number two, so that everybody can participate without having to do it in one week?

Speaker 4: 29:20

yeah, it's a good idea yep, love to hear what you guys think, love to hear what you know. Are you looking for the intimate friendship, the relational relation, relational relation community, whether you just want you know to, to have a new person to tell new stories, to learn new things from? We'd love to know yeah yeah, on that note. Do we have any shots?

Speaker 3: 29:53

shots. I got one. Oh good, go for it.

Speaker 4: 29:57

I got one I have been watching hulu because, I think I already said, I have to cram in all the shows in one month before the ed expires. Although now I'm enjoying it, I might let it go a little bit longer. I happened on to a series called better things. I'm there, I'm things. I'm in season two. There might be maybe four. I love it. It's a mom who has been divorced. She's got three kids high school, middle school, elementary school. She's got her mother across the street. She's got her professional manager it's all about relationships, a lot of humor. Manager. She's um, it's all about relationships, a lot of humor. Some, um, interesting parental choices that are made. But I am loving it. I'm short episodes also. You know the standard probably 35 minutes sort of thing so who stars in it a woman I don't know.

Speaker 4: 30:56

Never heard of her, but she's good, you'll recognize. You'll recognize some of the people in it because they've been in things before. But, and you guys know, I'm horrible at knowing who name what names are. But better things, there you go.

Speaker 3: 31:13

Better things that's Better things. That's mine. Yeah, sounds to go right up the alley. Relationships and everything. Yeah, absolutely Good deal. Yeah, I've got nothing. Got nothing. Huh, I've got nothing. No.

Speaker 4: 31:29

Kitty, are you going to encourage us all to wear a new color or something this week? Yeah, next episode, yes, exactly yeah. Next episode.

Speaker 3: 31:40

Yes, exactly Next episode. I will not be in black, or red Kitty will not be in black or pink and you can't be just plain old, neutral.

Speaker 4: 31:51

I can't be neutral. Okay, I got a print. You know I have prints. I tried to introduce basics into my wardrobe.

Speaker 3: 32:00

You're going the other way, the opposite way.

Speaker 4: 32:04

All right, all right, my friends and everybody else. We'll see you in a week, see you in a week. Bye, see you next time.

Speaker 5: 32:14

Bye, bye, all right, see you in a week. Bye, bye, bye, bye.

Speaker 3: 32:15

Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.

Speaker 2: 32:18

Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Bye. I got that wild. Here I go. Here I go, coming. I can't ever stop. I'm a tour de force running. Get me to the top. I don't need an invitation. I'm about to start a celebration. Let me in Brought a good time for some friends. Turn it up loud past ten.