3 Cocktails In

High Maintenance? Pampering? Shouldn't We Call It Self-Investment Instead?

Amy, Kitty & Stacey Season 1 Episode 28

Discover the fine line between "high maintenance" and essential self-care with us, as we dissect the stereotypes and celebrate personal well-being without the guilt. While our drinks may be mocktails this time, our discussions are as real as they get, weaving through personal triumphs and the societal implications of our choices. We've all faced that moment at a dinner party or a work event where our routines are scrutinized—join us as we share stories and debate the fairness of these labels, questioning whether the act of taking care of oneself genuinely warrants the stigma of being 'high maintenance' or if it's a mere projection of outdated societal norms.

It's time to redefine what it means to be high value in our eyes and in the eyes of others. We shed light on the subject, we navigate the complex terrain of personal maintenance decisions, advocating for the autonomy to invest in ourselves without reproach. From grooming habits to demanding the best table at a restaurant, we analyze how these choices reflect our personalities and the invisible lines that separate confidence from vanity. Let's raise a glass—filled with whatever suits you—to embracing individual definitions of self-worth and dismantling the prejudices surrounding high maintenance behaviors. Join us for a conversation that might just change the way you view your mirror, your closet, and even your next spa appointment.

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Amy, Kitty & Stacey

P.S. Isn't our intro music great?! Yah, we think so too. Thank you, Ivy States for "I Got That Wow".

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Speaker 2:

Hello ladies, welcome to another week, welcome to Three Cocktails In. You have got the three cocktails right here.

Speaker 3:

Yes, Are any of us drinking cocktails? I'm the worst tonight. I'm only drinking pop. Oh fresca, because I'm out of fresca and you've got water. Yeah, we're really, we're really hitting it tonight.

Speaker 2:

It's Sunday night and we're in that frame of mind where we're thinking about tomorrow.

Speaker 3:

So it's Thursday night for me. I was just thirsty, I figured I should have just keep down in. You know, cocktails I needed to drink, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

I had a cocktail last night that was so unbelievably good. Now that I just mentioned it, I wish I would remember what kind of vodka or what kind of um um gin it was. It was a fancy gin, like a small batch gin, and I had a gimlet and it was so good that I had one too many in my head this morning. So, that's why I'm having Fresca today. Yeah, it was nice.

Speaker 2:

Good, good, good, okay, everybody doing, everybody doing well.

Speaker 3:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

How about about you kitty hanging in there, um, lots of, lots of activity going on at work, work and, uh, we are rounding out, we're starting to get so you know, for my side hustle. Um, we're getting close to the end of the fiscal year, uh, for paparazzi and getting ready for convention, which is the end of July. So I'm a month and a half away closing out to get to the rank that I want to get to, and I am happy to report that I'm on track. Woohoo, good, good job, yeah. So big push, big push now through for another month and a a half. So all is right with the world for the most part. Cool, yeah, excellent. So I've got a question that I want to throw out to you guys today, because I overheard a conversation recently and it made me kind of raise my eyebrow and I thought that, all right, this seems like a topic that we need to discuss here. So you know how you'll hear people refer to someone as high maintenance.

Speaker 4:

Oh, I've never heard that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I actually heard someone in conversation recently and you know, this other person I'm gonna, I'm gonna protect, uh, I'm gonna protect people. Uh person was talking about going to get a massage or something like that, treating themselves to something, and the other person said, oh my god, you're so high maintenance and I just thought that's not right.

Speaker 4:

No. First of all, getting massage is not high maintenance. No, no, no, that is mandatory maintenance yeah.

Speaker 3:

I don't feel any self-care items should fall into high maintenance. I did a little research. I kind of have a different definition. A little research, I kind of have a different definition. You know what I mean Like okay, good, stacey, I'm glad.

Speaker 2:

I'm glad because I think that the question mark that went off in my head was wait a minute. So what exactly does that mean? Because, yeah, I don't think any of us look at self-care stuff as being high maintenance, so what does that really mean? So what do you think, stacey?

Speaker 3:

Well, I think it would be a person that has all of these things together. I want to say that first. So someone who's very demanding, needs attention constantly, you know, has this huge need for money, very self-absorbed, and feels like the world owes them something. I think those people are high maintenance. You know they're needy from other people at a high level and high standard.

Speaker 3:

I don't think, you know, like you said, massages, wanting a massage and wanting to get your nails done, and that kind of thing. I don't think that's. I don't feel that's high maintenance.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, this is really interesting. This is going to get this is. I love that we're talking about this, because I would not have anticipated that answer from you. Stacey, yeah, I have been called high maintenance on more than one occasion, and look at them If you're watching on YouTube, you can see that they're not arguing about this. And Stacey, she's shaking her head Now I really don't think I've done the best category. No, a few things that I the things that I've done that I've been told I'm high maintenance about tend to be asking for something special or out of the ordinary, done Primarily when it comes to going out to dinner and ordering food.

Speaker 1:

This was one of my questions.

Speaker 4:

Do you feel that special ordering an item on a menu is high maintenance? I'm not asking. I've never asked a cook to create a meal for me. I'm talking about. I'm trying to think of what I would order or something. Oh, I would like the the um burger. I don't want it. I would prefer not to have a bun Um, and instead of the truffle fries that it says it comes with, I'd like to just have the regular fries. Can I do that?

Speaker 2:

That's not high maintenance.

Speaker 4:

I've been told that's high maintenance. I don't think that's high maintenance.

Speaker 3:

Because I suppose I think it depends maybe on the restaurant. I know you know like chef prepared menus. You know what I mean. Yes, you'd miss out on the experience if you took something out or did something.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 3:

But just a literal side. Changing your side, I don't think is high maintenance.

Speaker 4:

No, and I wouldn't. I wouldn't do that if there was a chef. So so I think that that's part of the equation. You know again, knowing your surroundings.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's, it's. It's different. If you were saying, oh, this, this dish that the chef has put together, it's like. No, that's not the right way to do it, it needs to be like this. Can you please have them make it like this? That is on a different level.

Speaker 3:

Yeah for what you're yeah.

Speaker 2:

Amy is saying yeah, people order things without the bun all the time, switching out the fries. Yeah, no big deal. Yeah, that should not be referred to as high maintenance, that person was wrong.

Speaker 3:

I figure you're saving them a bun because you're just not going to eat it anyway.

Speaker 4:

Well, okay, how about sending food back If it's not good? Is that high maintenance? No, I don't think so either.

Speaker 2:

I mean if something is undercooked or if something is overcooked If something is cold. That's not no, that's not high maintenance, that's that's expecting the quality of what you're paying for.

Speaker 4:

Right. And that's also. The choice is um, I keep it, I pick at it. I never go back. Or I say very kindly you know, I'm really sorry, but this is, this is very cold, is, could I get a hot, you know? Or whatever it comes back. Wonderful service, great tip. I'm telling all my friends they corrected this problem. I'll happily go back. Yeah, but I have been told that that's high maintenance. I don't think that's high maintenance. I don't think that asking for something that's supposed to be as promised is high maintenance.

Speaker 2:

I think it's a term that has become overused and used in places that it shouldn't be, so I don't know who this person is who said those things to you.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, you know this person Okay.

Speaker 2:

I would interpret it as them just kind of wanting to poke you a little bit, like just wanting to jab you a little bit, like you know, why do you have to always be so?

Speaker 1:

picky or whatever.

Speaker 4:

But if somebody says that to you, okay, well, that's going to make me really sound like I'm high maintenance then, because if that person says it to you all the time, it's not funny anymore. And that person would have said well, how many times have you done it that I've had to remind you. But you're right, I love that we're talking about. The word is missed. It's meaning, it's lost. It's meaning yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yep, I saw a um a phrase somewhere I'm sure it showed up on Instagram or something and it said uh, I can be high maintenance. If I want to cause, I'm the one maintaining it.

Speaker 1:

I'm the one maintaining it, I'm the one maintaining me. So who the hell cares?

Speaker 2:

if I'm going to go spend my money on getting my nails done or getting my lashes done or getting some Botox or whatever it is, you don't have any right to call me high maintenance for doing that, because who's paying for it? I am paying for it.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I said at the beginning, it's it's when something you're doing affects someone else. You know nobody cares, nobody should care, and it doesn't affect us. If you get a massage and do your nails and do your eyelashes, that doesn't affect us. It's when you do things that you know you're demanding this and it is you know affecting everyone else. You know what I mean, and I don't think you're sending your food back. Amy is affecting anybody, but you, you know if it isn't right, yeah.

Speaker 4:

So I was thinking today, for the people who do like to get a little snooty about the high maintenance, what's the opposite of high maintenance? What's the accepted level of maintenance? If we have high maintenance, that must imply that there's standard maintenance. And then you hear some people are low maintenance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, um, can. Can we talk about the the scale of low maintenance to high maintenance? How come we're not calling out people who are low maintenance with the same sort of disdain that we call out people who are high maintenance? It's a good question.

Speaker 4:

Why do we not judge people who are low maintenance? And they're the finger bunnies.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So, and I've seen these posts pop up on Facebook, or it'll be a whole list of things and it'll say how high maintenance are you? And then, so for every one that you say yes to, it's a point. I came across one of these once and I'm like, oh, I'm going to look at the comments and there were so many people who were saying, oh I'm good, I only had a two, oh I'm good, I only had a three, and so everybody was trying to be low maintenance and nobody was commenting that they were.

Speaker 4:

A 17?.

Speaker 3:

Like we probably were.

Speaker 4:

Like I couldn't check liposuction or you know?

Speaker 3:

I mean there's two things we haven't done.

Speaker 4:

If there's a budget involved, I got to be out, you know.

Speaker 3:

I get it. So maybe when, if we think it's an insult, you know to be called high maintenance, maybe we just turn it right around and then, well, you're low maintenance, You're. You know you're having no fun, we're having all the fun.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's a valid point. Yeah, okay, so I put it into the Googles and I just said what is the definition of high maintenance? And it and it said if you describe something or someone as high maintenance, you mean that they require a lot of attention, time, money or effort.

Speaker 4:

I would have liked them, like Stacey said, to qualify who they're requiring it from. So time, give me those again Time. They require a lot of attention. Okay that you're asking from somebody else. Okay, time that's your own it could be from someone else though too.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you're demanding of those people that are like always in your face, like, oh, I need this, oh, I need this, and it's like do it yourself. They're asking, you're putting that on somebody else. Okay, okay, yep, I mean money, so someone. So they require a lot of money. That's questionable.

Speaker 4:

Yes, that's what you're saying. Yep, that's the one. If I'm spending the money, then who cares?

Speaker 2:

If they are, if they are paying the bills themselves Right, right, Um or or effort.

Speaker 4:

They require a lot of effort, and that would be effort by other people. You're asking other people to do more things, that's one thing, but maintaining yourself, which takes a lot of effort, again, that's your own decision and your own effort. So, if that's part of the definition, think about every single person who works out all the time. That's high maintenance. Money at a gym takes time, takes effort. We don't talk about people who are dedicated to their health as high maintenance.

Speaker 3:

no, and but again, it's not affecting someone else. I think the effort piece means like you have to spend so much effort in you know.

Speaker 4:

I think that it can. I do think it requires effort If you're married to somebody who wants to be at the gym all the time you're picking up the slap slack while they're gone. That's a good point.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, and I think if you hit three out of the four, it, you know, I don't know that we always have to have all four, but I'm just saying that there are a lot of things that, if you're going to use that definition, that includes a lot of stuff. So I think what we're coming back to is the judgment that comes behind what is being done. Yep it's the judgment. It's the judgment. It's the judgment. Somebody you know thinks it's silly what you're spending your money and your time on.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

So then, what is our answer to that question? I suggested we say well, you're low maintenance and not having any fun, so should we say well, thank you, because, yeah, I want to.

Speaker 4:

you know that's not what I said. That was not what I said. I said something else.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, I do feel the need that the few times that I have been called that are the occasions when I have been called that to feel like I have to explain myself, like somehow I have to try and backpedal when. I don't really feel like I should have to. No, no, if I'm sending food back, I will explain why. But if I want to, you know I shouldn't have to explain why I want to get stuff done. Makes me feel good, it's none of your business. None, yeah, yep.

Speaker 2:

And it also. So the whole let them theory comes into play here as well. So again, for if so, mel Robbins talks about this all the time and for if you're the kind of person that can get riled up about what other people are doing, you know, like, why are they doing that, or understand why that person is doing that, you have it. One thing that helps is for you to just take a step back and say just let them. That's their choice, and so this is not for those of us that can be on the receiving end of that statement Geez, you're so high maintenance. It's the other people that need to need to take on this attitude of just let them, because what the who cares?

Speaker 4:

Yeah, I wonder if they're embarrassed by us.

Speaker 1:

Hmm.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, so you're so um, example of a massage. So that person, you know, doesn't want to spend the money, has, you know, has never had one and are just judging. You think it's a you know what. What do you suppose their reasoning is? That, you know, getting a massage is so high maintenance.

Speaker 2:

I would just generally, I would think that it's probably a situation where that's not something that that person does like ever and they would look at it as a luxury. So it's just sort of a way for them to get a dig at you. I think that's just sometimes what people do, so they're kind of being funny about it, but they're also going to kind of try to make you feel bad about it.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, Jealousy Could be. Maybe try and bring you down a notch, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4:

I do think that the high maintenance oftentimes is used like, like. Somehow you're not worthy of that activity or that's not for people like you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, hmm.

Speaker 3:

Hmm, that's interesting.

Speaker 4:

She's so high maintenance Dang. I don't like that. And why is it always her? When was the last time you heard a guy as high maintenance? I may have described. I may have used high maintenance to refer to a man. I think men can be, but I don't think they're described as high maintenance.

Speaker 3:

Do you have you heard?

Speaker 2:

They're probably described as metrosexual. Yeah, the guys that are, you know, always very well dressed, high and tight hair, probably have some hair product in. Might have a little bit of a tan going on.

Speaker 3:

They smell good they smell good, right, don't other men, don't other men call them, you know, like pretty boys or you know what I mean that and I think that we should just make it clear here we're not judging these guys.

Speaker 4:

No, isn't it funny that I got a little. I mean, as we're talking about this, I got a little giddy. I'm like, oh, I kind of like that high maintenance guy.

Speaker 2:

I love the guy, you know, because because I see I just got excited too, because here's the thing, there's nothing. There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, right? And so if you're going to the gym, if you're working with a dietician to be on a really healthy diet, are you being high maintenance? Sure, you're maintaining your health and your body. You want to live a long, healthy life. Yeah, I'm in maintenance mode every freaking day to be healthy. Nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 4:

Nope, and being in maintenance mode every day to feel good, and that's not just, you know, your physical good, that's also your emotional well-being. And I will say that there is nothing we were, we were just talking about this. There's nothing so enjoyable as an hour to an hour and a half of doing something for yourself. Um, you know where nobody's in on you. You know where nobody's in on you. Nobody's calling you, nobody's. I mean, you get your nails done. You can't answer the phone. You get a massage. You don't bring the phone with you. You know it's just very recuperative. Is that a word? It's cleansing, yeah.

Speaker 3:

Makes you feel good and I would yeah, I would certainly say a lot of that too is you know where we live? I mean, can you imagine holing up for our you know six months of winter and never going to out to do something like that for yourself? You know what I mean? I just feel like that's something you can do, you know, for yourself, instead of sit at home.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, Well and and being high maintenance doesn't have to necessarily be body wise the idea of I want to go out for a nice dinner instead of you know the dinner place we always go, or maybe we don't ever go out to dinner, yeah, you know, those shouldn't be considered high maintenance. You shouldn't be considered high maintenance for wanting a little touch of luxury.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I like it Agreed. Okay, go ahead, you got something. I have something that I thought of which I kind of think this falls into high maintenance. Falls into high maintenance. How you know, when we went to Houston, you know, I had, between the different places I went, I had like five different planes there and back and two times this happened where guys were still talking on their cell phones when the plane was taking off and I just felt like you know how?

Speaker 3:

You know, how important do you think you are that you can't just shut it down and not let two rows around you listen to your silly conversation? That really doesn't need to take place, you know, you know, I just think it's, especially when you're with all the people in a plane. You know, why are you the you know one. That has to be that way. Now, also, I don't believe that we should have to turn off our phones on a plane. I mean, seriously, we're going to crash if somebody doesn't you know somebody doesn't turn their phone off. I think that rule is dumb anyway. But when it is the rule and you're still breaking it, I mean, really, that to me is a high maintenance person. Where they're so self-absorbed, they, you know, think they're too important to follow the rules of the day.

Speaker 4:

That's an interesting twist on it and I could see where people would think that that those two maybe go hand in hand self-centered and being high maintenance yeah.

Speaker 2:

I think they're just. I don't think they are I. I think they're just.

Speaker 4:

I don't think they are, I don't think they have to be.

Speaker 2:

No, I think they're just self-centered people and they're just being rude, thinking that they don't have to follow the rules.

Speaker 4:

Well, how about just rules of common decency? Yeah, nobody wants to hear your phone call, man or woman, you're sitting in a restaurant. You're in a store while somebody else is shopping. You're waiting in line. You're in an airport, you're in an airplane I don't care, I don't want to hear it. Yeah, go to a corner somewhere, turn towards the corner and have your conversation.

Speaker 3:

Yeah instead of standing out in the middle of, like the mall and just talking as loud as you can.

Speaker 4:

I never understand that one, because they can't hear because they're in the middle of a fucking mall.

Speaker 3:

I why can't you have a quiet conversation?

Speaker 4:

Those people are really self-centered and almost high maintenance, right, okay, I have a question.

Speaker 4:

Okay, and I want to know how this falls as long as we're talking about different personalities and definitions. I've been hearing an awful lot lately this term high value person. You want a high value man. You want a high value woman. You're looking for someone of high value. I have heard this so much in the last month. I've seen it a lot on social media. I think it falls into the category maybe of some people who are talking about self-worth and healing yourself and kind of the whole self-help thing sort of deal, asking for better or whatever.

Speaker 2:

But they keep using this phrase high value.

Speaker 4:

This is new to me, yeah, interesting.

Speaker 2:

Well, I can tell you I don't like it. I mean what my perception is of it. I don't like it.

Speaker 4:

I feel like we need to hit the Googles. Um I. I was maybe going to save that for a different episode, but I'm going to look right now.

Speaker 3:

Um so are you saying like, in search of a mate, you're looking. People are looking for someone of high value, you know, like to bring in someone of high value.

Speaker 4:

It's not in the work. It's not in the workplace, it's not being referred to, that's what I'm saying. So as a as a mate, like you're looking for someone as a friend, as a in a personal relationship of a variety.

Speaker 2:

Not particularly, not necessarily as a high value, and I assume it doesn't mean money. Just real quick, the first thing that came up for me While high value individuals strive for personal success, they also understand the importance of empathy and kindness. They genuinely care about the well-being of others and often display acts of kindness and compassion.

Speaker 4:

Hmm, that doesn't sound like a definition of high value. High value just has such a negative. Yeah, it seems snotty. It seems like to me. When you it, there's a whole bunch of advertising things that people say you know the best ever, or high value. In my mind I'm always like well, who's asking for a low value person to say you want a high value person? Who doesn't? Yeah, yeah, we all do.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 3:

So so did you. Did you see online or you're talking about this thing where and I've only seen it once where they're trying to compare a stay-at-home mom to what it would cost to get to hire a you know daycare and a chauffeur and a you know private school and a you know all these things, what it would take maintenance and a assistant, a business assistant, all these things that?

Speaker 4:

will cost you like $279,000 a year.

Speaker 3:

Huge yeah. More than more than your want, you know, more than somebody makes um more more than likely. Is that what? You mean like no, we're totally off.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it doesn't seem to have anything to do with dollars. No, it's value in terms of sure. Yeah, I have not heard of this before. Now I'll see it showing up on the social, now that we talked about it 181,000 posts on Instagram that use the hashtag high value woman.

Speaker 4:

Okay, let's see Clear skin, good health, more money, peace of mind, glowing aura and flights. Okay, how about you're not a one in a million kind of girl? You're, I mean, these are just well, being so confident in knowing what you bring to the table that you're willing to eat alone until you find the right table. So I think that that is a little bit more of the edge I was getting. It was being thrown out and used in almost in the term in the manner of um, I'm a high value person and I want a person of high value. And again, I come back to who doesn't. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, I mean, are we giving names and tags to things? It doesn't see? To me, calling somebody or asking for high value is seems more icky than calling somebody high maintenance. Mm-hmm, yeah, I agree, yeah, yeah, like you're asking for the same things, but one you're saying is high value and one people are saying is high maintenance, like if I do it, it's high value. If they do it, they're high maintenance. They do it, they're high maintenance.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, that is kind of icky.

Speaker 4:

Okay, so everybody start looking, and you know Big Ben and our big brother is listening, so I'm sure that's what we're all going to have popping up everywhere.

Speaker 1:

High value high value, high value. Yeah.

Speaker 4:

A lot of this all comes back to the whole idea of judging other people. Yeah, a lot of this all comes back to the whole idea of judging other people. Yeah, in comparison to how we feel about ourselves and the better we feel about ourselves, the less we care about other how other people are projecting themselves.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, yeah projecting themselves, yeah, yeah. So, stacy, when you get, when you, your suggestion was to call somebody low maintenance. Maybe, when we get called high maintenance, we turn towards them and offer them empathy, because they've not experienced the joys of little luxuries for themselves. Because they've not experienced the joys of little luxuries for themselves, yes, right, Maybe they have a self-esteem issue that we need to help them with.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2:

I feel better equipped to respond in situations, if that term is ever thrown my way.

Speaker 4:

You've never been called high maintenance.

Speaker 2:

I know I have, yeah, but honestly, I've always taken it as a joke. I've always taken it as a joke. I've never been offended by it or I've never taken it personally.

Speaker 4:

Well, I think people who say it to us do say it in a joking manner. Yeah, yep, I do think that there are probably people who say it about us, not to us. Oh, probably, probably well, I mean. I, yeah. I look at movie stars, celebrities, and often think the very same thing, which is just so stupid. Why do I?

Speaker 3:

care what they do. Yeah, yeah, they have the money to do whatever they want. Why wouldn't they? We would yeah Right, yeah, all right. Well, all right, have we?

Speaker 4:

I feel better about the whole high maintenance how to how to deal with that.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 4:

Okay, I'm glad that we could discuss this and get this out there.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 4:

Well, we will be back again next week with another riveting, pressing, pressing, world changing attitudes and topics that you can only find here.

Speaker 2:

Yes, that's right. And again, if any of you listening or watching, have ideas or have topics, have things that you're that are that make you scratch your head and you would like us to dig into them, send them our way. We would be happy to add them to our list.

Speaker 3:

Yes, and I do have a running list, yeah, I'll be interested to see the comments on this one and see what everybody says.

Speaker 4:

Yeah, hey, drop us a comment. If you've ever been called high maintenance, and what was it in reference to? Why were you called high maintenance? Yeah, good question.

Speaker 2:

Okay, okay, yeah, we will report back also. All right, you guys have a good Amy. Enjoy your Thursday night, stacey we're just getting ready to go.

Speaker 3:

We got to go back to work tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

All right, we'll see you all next week. Bye, all right I got that.

Speaker 1:

Wow, who wants some heads right now? We got that. Turn it up loud. I know you're wondering how I got that. Wow, here I go here. I know you're wondering how I got that wild. Here I go, here I go, coming. I can't ever stop. I'ma tour the forest running, get me to the top. I don't need an invitation. I'm about to start a celebration. Let me in Brought a good time for some friends. Turn it up loud past ten. Turning up the crowd when I hit them with the power.

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